If you're like most people, you probably watched the Republican debate last night curled up in a ball, under a blanket, while you rocked yourself back and forth whispering, "This can't happen, this can't happen" over and over again. Or as it's sometimes known, "a typical Republican debate viewing." Well, now there's slightly less reason to worry about the invincibility of America's own racist, fascist inevitable Republican nominee, Donald Trump. Because if the unthinkable happens and, come November, we're staring down the barrel of a Trump presidency, our fine neighbors to the north (and I do mean FOINE) are making it easier for people to immigrate to the Great White North.
Trump! Putin! Shkreli! Forget jerks, assholes, and regular villains. These are the nation’s finest lair-owning, hate-spewing, Muslim-banning super-villains. And they’re all real. Muahahaha!
In addition to removing "terrorism" and "crimes against the national interest" as reasons to revoke citizenship (as opposed to simply trying those suspects as Canadians), the Canadian Press also reports that the Canadian government is making things a little bit speedier with the introduction of a new citizenship bill:
Right now it takes six years of living in Canada to become a citizen. By that point, Trump might be out of office or the country might be a burning pile of rubble, well on its way to the Hunger Games future that we've been promised by our culture. ("We're gonna have a bunch of kids killing each other. We'll televise it. I know how to do it, because I've produced excellent TV before. Just wonderful TV. So don't worry, our Hunger Games ratings will be yuge." Trump in two years, probably.) But if the bill passes, that requirement will be three years. That's doable. You can be a Canadian citizen enjoying free universal health care before Trump's second term. Of course, it might not matter. It's only a matter of time before President Trump is so threatened by Justin Trudeau's boyish good looks that he just nukes the entire thing and claims it as the 51st state.
