As fans are well-aware, there’s been a lot of drama on this season of Bachelor in Paradise. Is it the most dramatic season of all? That’s for Chris Harrison to ultimately decide “yes.” For those unfamiliar, a bunch of Bachelor and Bachelorette castaways go to a resort in Mexico and must pair up if they want to stay on the show.
Lucky for you, I don’t have time to explain the myriad of intricacies contained in the Bachelor universe, so let’s focus on one man in particular: Blake Horstmann. Blake is, or was—more on this—a big cutie who was the runner-up on Becca Kufrin’s season last year. Prior to filming this season, Blake went to a music festival called Stagecoach, and while there, slept with two women who are now his co-stars, Caelynn Miller-Keyes and Kristina Schulman. Naturally, this series of events becomes the central source of tension on the show, and results in the women largely turning against him and many shots of a distraught Blake with his head in his hands, racked with regret. Then last week, Blake posted photos of his text exchanges from Stagecoach with Miller-Keyes to “clear things up,” but of course it just made it all muddier.
A lot of people—myself included—are highly confused as to why his back-to-back hookup is noteworthy, let alone strikes so many as blatantly immoral. There are entire reddit threads devoted to defending Blake’s pre-show dalliances, although the show is still giving him a “villain edit,” which plenty of viewers think is fair. Essentially, the question of his guilt is akin to “We were on a break!” And, just like the notorious Friends conundrum, “Is a back-to-back hookup skeezy?” has an obvious answer.
The verdict? There’s nothing wrong with hooking up with two different people on two consecutive nights. Blake is a young, single man with a six pack and no job because he’s vaguely “famous.” If I had either of those two things while I was single, I would not be writing this article right now because I’d still be hooking up with people. But even for the normies out there who lack his bleached, boyish smile and a Miles Teller-esque physique, a sex-full weekend does not require moral defense. There is no magical amount of time that must pass before you can have sex with another person. Ahh it’s been 78 hours, I can interact with new genitals again.
Arguably, the supreme joy of being single is that you’re completely free to have sex with more than one person. Music festivals are the ideal place for crop dusting horniness with other singles who also possess abs and bleached smiles. (I assume, anyway. Admittedly I have not been to a music festival because, like tuna salad, I hate literally every ingredient involved.) Other than molly, what else are you at the music festival to do?
Even outside this extra-horny setting, this Blake censure ignores the fact that there are periods in life where you are just on. A few years back, the gods governing my sex life got their shit together for once, and I was getting more hookup opportunities in a month than I’d gotten in years; my friends dubbed this month Cocktober. Like nailing a job interview simply because you don’t need the job, sometimes the energy boost you get from a fun bang sesh carries over into the next night, and you exude some unquantifiable vibe (sorry for saying vibe) that attracts more fun boning opportunities. There’s a scene in Under the Tuscan Sun wherein a character describes chasing ladybugs, never finding any, growing weary and falling asleep in the grass, only to wake up covered in ladybugs. Perhaps that’s what happened for me, and perhaps that’s what happened for Blake. (Although I doubt he had long periods sans lady or ladybug). Let’s not shout at the man for having a thirty, flirty, and thriving weekend!
Plus, weekends grant us a mere 48 hours of freedom from the vice-like grip of our capitalist pursuits, and for that reason alone, back-to-back hookups are totally acceptable. There are only two non-school nights a week! Of course you’re going to double dip that chip once in a while! Again, when it comes to casual sex, especially casual sex at a music festival, the sine qua non is that you don’t owe the person exclusivity.
Now, there are some simple guidelines for politely navigating consecutive romps. For the most part, the normal casual sex rules apply, but there are some special considerations. First, and perhaps most obvious, please shower and change clothes in between hookups. This is truthfully the most concerning part of the Blake debacle to me. Are there showers at Stagecoach? Did he shower? I don’t know!
Besides basic hygiene, you have to respect the other people in the situation. Don’t mention one hookup to the other. It’s not impressive to mention that you had sex yesterday—it’s rude. Even if you have an issue performing, do not mention that it’s because you did the deed 17 hours ago. In fact, that is where Blake Horstmann undoubtedly, indefensibly screwed up, because apparently he did tell Caelynn Miller-Keyes about his previous hookup, which is uncouth to say the least.
Another common-sense guideline of the double header is to not sleep with two people in the same friend group—or in Blake’s case, the same reality TV star pool. For one thing, you have to expect that people in the same social circle are going to talk to each other about their romantic interests, and for another, it’s uncomfortable when two people within a friend group are into the same person. You don’t have to be madly in love with someone to feel the sting of jealousy when you find out they’re sleeping with your friend.
The timing of the hookups, however, is not an issue. We all have those weeks when our skin is clear, the sun is shining, the tank is clean, and more people than usual want to smooch us. There’s nothing wrong with capitalizing on a Feeling Yourself stretch two days in a row. The only rules are to be respectful, safe, and showered. Case dismissed.
