It's a very specific kind of hangover you might have experienced if you were ever a 20-something working a job you didn't particularly care for. After having about eight to eighteen drinks on Saturday night, you might have woken up on Sunday in a daze that slowly but surely degraded into a low-level panic as the toxic bile in your stomach joined forces with the ringing pain in your head to call for a referendum on all the decisions that you made in your life that led you to this point. That anguish takes turns tango-ing with the dread of returning to work the next day and the actual withdrawal symptoms from alcohol—up to and possibly including D.T.'s. By Sunday night, your forehead is slick with sweat, your feet are clammy, and you might even consider calling Mom, Dad, or a legal guardian. Don't do that—or do, if you really think it's going to help. But we've found in these cases that it's better to pull yourself out of the scary place by your own bootstraps. Here's what you should do instead.
Medicate. Two ibuprofen, repeated as necessary. We can't advocate for taking anything that you're not legally prescribed. But there are some ibuprofen alternatives that come in extra strength. Wink, wink.
Hydrate. An obvious but essential step. Keep the liquid intake going even when you have to drag yourself out of bed to pee more than seems humanly responsible. Mix it up! Water, yes. A little coffee but not too much. Coconut water. A smoothie. A blue Gatorade if all else fails. Wait until the afternoon to have that hair-of-the-dog beer. And limit yourself to two.
Eat. Seek out comfort food that doesn't make you sick, like pancakes with a side of bacon (instead of, say, candy). Extra points if you make it yourself. Now you've accomplished something!
Participate in Sexual Activity (Encouraged But Not Required). Partner or no partner, flooding your brain with some endorphins will really help. And exercise is not necessarily an option today.
Sweat. If you're dead-set on exercising, take it easy. Consider hitting the steam room or sauna instead.
Shower. Another obvious one that people always forget. Take your time! Luxuriate. Hell, take a bath.
Sleep. A late-morning or mid-afternoon nap is the secret escape hatch out of any hangover.
Smoke weed. Or vape. But only if weed relaxes you. If you get paranoid, skip this step. Or just take a CBD gummy.
Watch. It can be tempting to watch something light and funny. But sometimes settling in for a heartbreaker can actually quiet your aching spirit. Also, seeing someone else in a much worse situation will help give you a little perspective on the smallness of your own problems.
